I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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