Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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