ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
