Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
