At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
