Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
