Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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