Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
