it's like iHOP with fire
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
