We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
