I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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