I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize