Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
