Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
