her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
