i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
