I'm really into asian looking animals
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
