Buhtt sex?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
