Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
