if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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