when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
