in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
