Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
