I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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