u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
