i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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