dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
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Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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