apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
