why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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