I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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