i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
