Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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