I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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