I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
