You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
