i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
