She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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