I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
