Need sex. Gaining weight.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
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He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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