I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
