okay pat passed out under dana's car
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
