I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
