I'm jealous of your bromance
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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