yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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