He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
