you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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