I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
