So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
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She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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