singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
