i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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