sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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