how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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