she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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