Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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