all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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