if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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