totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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