And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
