I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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