I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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