i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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