I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
