The maid of honor just puked.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just forgot I was standing up.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
