He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
