just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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