oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
