just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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